and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
