I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
