She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
