Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if i died would you start the facebook group?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
