Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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