No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
