i'm signing you up for texting rehab
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
