someone owes me an orgasm
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
