she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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