I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
