At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
