Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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