"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
