It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
