awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
