6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
