Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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