Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
