Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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