Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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