Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
