RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
