I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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