My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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