I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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