we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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