If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Operation Purity has been aborted
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
