splinters make it hard to masturbate
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
