If i come over, it means nothing
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
