If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
