I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
