Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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