hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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