saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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