if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
this will be a night to untag.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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