another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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