puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
