He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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