I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
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