you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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