I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
