I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
