we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
