Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
