why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize