if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
