remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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