I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
