u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
