It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
