i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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