I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
