I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This gyro tastes like lonliness
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
