She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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