Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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