By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize