Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
