a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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