Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
