TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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