Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
