24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
