I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
