Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
