my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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