ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
