This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
