Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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