you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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