Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
