before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
