There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
