You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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