Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
