I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
