You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize