I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
