just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
