I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
