just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
