So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
