i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
