just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
