I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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