Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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