also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
