Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
