Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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