she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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