just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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