Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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