very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize