If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
