I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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