Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize