Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
