Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
